Dream which was destined to be a costly one !!!!
Memories transcend from the sublime past to the visionary present . As many times I crossed the lobby my eyes made their way to the painting. The painting which in its bright hues and colors adorned the hotel’s lobby in world’s tallest tower was narrating a story to the whole world. But maybe I was the one who could decipher the meaning of each shade. The painting of a man lying in pool of blood and whose soul was being carried by an angel to the heaven above. The soul rose from the whirlwind of red background to the silvery supreme power. That divine power spread its silver rays and showed the angel its path from the darkness to light,from meaningless to meaningful from known to unknown. I don’t know that the soul reached the heaven or not but this painting was auctioned at an amazingly high price , the whopping Rs 100 crore.
Oh please don’t be mistaken by my analysis of the painting. I am neither a painter nor a lover of paintings. I don’t have any idea knowledge of this genre of creativity. It’s just that this painting is more than a painting to me.I was here conversing with my self and the soul in the painting, and this conversation was affecting me . I hurried to my room on the third floor of hotel. I was in Dubai to deliver a lecture on film writing to students of a film institute. I need to catch up with some sleep before I get ready for the seminar. I closed m y eyes and tried to escape those haunting thoughts. I felt the redness of painting was smeared all over my hand and the red fluid ran through my spines.
I covered my face with a pillow, the cut off from daylight made me feel sleepy and I found myself drifting towards the horizon . I was in my room, my studio apartment in suburbs of Mumbai . Far away from the maddening crowd this cocoon gave me my space, where I weaved the beautiful images of life and its various aspects with the help of my magical pen . My experience matured into words and took the shape of stories . These stories would tingle the readers with a smile or touch the core of heart and made them cry. I was enjoying my life as a creative writer. I wrote for films and therefore could easily meet my ends. It was the age of Superheroes , people were fascinated by super powers ,they loved it when a man beyond their imagination solved all the problems, from getting their Childs homework done to solving the international wars. Superheores were in demand everywhere. And My next film was based on a similar plot . This was my assurance to myself and market trends affirmed the same. Just to see my story transforming into reality I went on its sets one day. And to my despair I found that the film was on hold as hero had denied to shoot the climax of film . In the climax the hero had to climb the "Rooftop" tower to rescue the heroine who was kidnapped by some terrorist.
Although that tower climbing scene was a risky task but it was the turning point of the movie. Deleting that scene would be simple murder of the movie and finding a body double at this point of time was also not an easy job. My mind was travelling into unknown zones of fear . I had lot of hopes on this movie and if it is delayed or not made or worst if not successful , my dreams would be shattered. For such a long time I had been nursing this idea of being successful .
I walked out of my apartment and thought to take a short break from my work . Creative people need this kind of break to avoid the stagnation in thought process. I didn’t want my ideas to be choked by my negativity . I thought to visit my mom. Mom’s are the angels to whom we run how much we mature , we just crave for that assurance in their eyes. I packed my bag and boarded the train. The train moved slowly from the hustle and bustle of the Mumbai station to the panoramic view of konkan beach and mountain chains.I moved my eyes in the compartment .It’s rightly said when we travel second class we see the real india in in its truest form , in all its beauty , mixture of various cultures .You can almost see whole of India. Around me was sitting mother daughter duo, a boy maybe a student returning home for a weekend and a man about the same age as mine but more mature lines of age on his face. Maybe he was elder to me , I don’t know why but I felt like talking to him .As the train ran towards its destination I came to know he worked in a circus and was the lead joker there . A sense of pride reflected on his face as he described the tough shows he had performed .
I said I am a writer and my name is aayan. He waited , I didn’t understand for what?
"My name is Deepak" He said and smiled.
I looked at his face there were signs of pain. As if he said Jokers too have a name. I realized for first time jokers too have a name. But this emotional gap didnt mar the joy of our conversation . We talked more. He was full of enthusiasm as he shared his importance in his circus. I loved his dedication and also his pride in the work he did. But slowly I realised there is something more than this accidental meeting. Maybe destiny wants me to undersatnd his signals. I was drawn more towards the prospect . I saw the potential superhero in this joker, I imagined him climbing the tower and rescuing the heroine. I was elated and suddenly showed an eagerness in his conversation and talked more to him . although I didn’t want to show him that I had some plans taking shape in back of my mind , I didnt want to show my eagerness for him that he would help me reach my goals. But I could not stop from throwing a question to him , would he like to work in films? It was unexpected and he tried to laugh it away , but I kept looking at him and he finally stopped to ask .
I looked at his face there were signs of pain. As if he said Jokers too have a name. I realized for first time jokers too have a name. But this emotional gap didnt mar the joy of our conversation . We talked more. He was full of enthusiasm as he shared his importance in his circus. I loved his dedication and also his pride in the work he did. But slowly I realised there is something more than this accidental meeting. Maybe destiny wants me to undersatnd his signals. I was drawn more towards the prospect . I saw the potential superhero in this joker, I imagined him climbing the tower and rescuing the heroine. I was elated and suddenly showed an eagerness in his conversation and talked more to him . although I didn’t want to show him that I had some plans taking shape in back of my mind , I didnt want to show my eagerness for him that he would help me reach my goals. But I could not stop from throwing a question to him , would he like to work in films? It was unexpected and he tried to laugh it away , but I kept looking at him and he finally stopped to ask .
Are you serious ? but I am a joker with a plain looking face , I am not the Sharukh khan of Circus .The serial which took him all the way to stardom.
I said only heroes don’t complete a film , there are different roles to be played and his talent as a joker would earn him more money than his present job. Also his work would be acclaimed and he has better prospect if his talent is discovered. I had planted a dream in his mind . I didn’t talk further , I had reached my destination , literally and in extended meaning both . I gave my visiting card to Deepak and silently prayed for things to happen. As I boarded off the train , Deepak followed me to the compartment’s door. I shook his hand and got off. I was feeling happy , I don’t know if this happiness was of meeting my mom or realization of my dream, where I felt Deepak would hold my hand and help me sail thru this large waves , which could either wash away my castle of incomplete dreams or give it a shore of its own .
I spent few days with mom and returned to Mumbai. Mumbai never allows you to wait and watch.It does not give you time to sleep on your problems. I was again engrossed in my work and its busy schedule . And One such busy afternoon I received a call .
I spent few days with mom and returned to Mumbai. Mumbai never allows you to wait and watch.It does not give you time to sleep on your problems. I was again engrossed in my work and its busy schedule . And One such busy afternoon I received a call .
Hello Sir ! this is Deepak here . Do you remember me? We met last week in train ? He was fearful of me forgetting him.
Oh yes Deepak! Please tell me ! I was suddenly filled with extreme joy and excitement , And I didn't try to hide this time.
"Sir I want to meet you" . This was something I wanted to hear .
I asked him to come to my place immediately.
Sir I had only Rs. 5 to call you up. I have left my job and my employer didn’t give me this months salary. Deepak was bit hesitant when he said this.
I asked him to hire a taxi and reach my office. I eased him as much as i could.
I asked him to hire a taxi and reach my office. I eased him as much as i could.
Don’t know who was going to fulfills whose dream. But we both were eager for this meeting. We both had our own expectations . I met Deepak and immedialtely took him to the Director of the Movie, Mr. Sundaram.
I write stories but this time my life was moving as I wanted it to move. Mr. sundaram agreed immediately for it and asked Deepak to get ready for audition . It was all God’s plan, he passed the audition as well . We all packed for Dubai as the climax had to be shot there, in "The Rooftop" world’s tallest tower. Deepak was happy , I was happy , Hero of the film was happy , and finally all seemed moving so well .
We were shooting the climax , the agreement was being signed . for the first time I saw an uncertain fear in Deepak’s eyes . The deal said the production house or anybody involved in the movie is not responsible for any mishappenings in the shoot .And that the actor is solely responsible for his decision . I patted Deepak’s shoulders as he signed the agreement . I was bit tensed , I don’t know why ? these agreements are part of our lives and part of these stuntsmen . I tried to overcome my fear and then saw Deepak coming to me. I tried to relax , I asked him to sit next to me. But before I said anything, he started
"Sir ! I know this is a risky game .I am going to perform for life or death. And I am not afraid . I owe this opportunity to you ". Deepak looked at me with gratitude filled eyes.
"Sir ! I know this is a risky game .I am going to perform for life or death. And I am not afraid . I owe this opportunity to you ". Deepak looked at me with gratitude filled eyes.
Then he paused . He starts again
Sir ! I have a family in my village . My mother , wife and my 2 year old son . My son suffers from a grave heart disease . I need 2 lakshs for his operation . I am thankful to you as the money I get from here would solve all my problems. Deepak was sharing his life with me.
Just then Director calls Deepak . He stands to go and then turns to say . What he said stil echoes in my mind.
Just then Director calls Deepak . He stands to go and then turns to say . What he said stil echoes in my mind.
"Sir! If anything happens to me please do me a favour . Please visit my village and hand over the money to my family . and tell my family I died as an actor not as a joker." Deepak went away
I was speechless. I was speechless even when I reached his village . I found words floating in silence when I conveyed the tragic event to Deepak’s family .I was speechless when i handed over the cheque to his wife, who with dry eyes gazed at this costly piece of paper. I was unable to look into his mothers's eyes who was still looking at the entrance as if waiting for her son’s footsteps . I was speechless even when I looked at his son , who was playing unaware of all the happenings around him. Who was unaware how his father had bartered death for his life. Today i loved the heavy rain as it washed away the tears of my eyes. As it diluted my saline tears with its heavy downpour. As it saved me from the innumerable questions . It saved me from the question How Deeapak reached Dubai.?
I didnt go that day , I stayed with the family. and when next day i came to Mumbai , I had Deepak's family with me.
His son's heart was operated, He was recovering.
Deepak's wife got a job at a Fashion house. She ironed the clothes and helped in its packing . Those clothes were worn by actors of movie. she could take care of the family needs now in a better.
That day it was Birthday of her son . she came to me with some sweets.
"Saab ! today is my sons birthday , you have already blessed him with a new life . But Today i want to use this occasion to thank You". she was lost in her memories. I waited patiently for her to continue.
She spoke again , "Aayan saab , Deepak never wanted to be a joker ,
but this life needs bread. Our Deepak went to dubai because he got bread and his tag of the joker was removed."
Audience at circus laughed when he enacted a death scene in circus . But today this film has made them cry ". I gazed in her eyes .
"Deepak has lived his dream and i donn't regret his death . He was dying every moment of his life as joker" . she stopped and asked her son to touch my feet . I gave some chocolates and money to him .
I turned to her and said , It was I who took Deepak to Dubai . She smiled and said , "I know saab !" and she showed my visiting card which i had given to Deepak.
Audience at circus laughed when he enacted a death scene in circus . But today this film has made them cry ". I gazed in her eyes .
"Deepak has lived his dream and i donn't regret his death . He was dying every moment of his life as joker" . she stopped and asked her son to touch my feet . I gave some chocolates and money to him .
I turned to her and said , It was I who took Deepak to Dubai . She smiled and said , "I know saab !" and she showed my visiting card which i had given to Deepak.
"You have given our family a dignity and Deepak's soul rests in peace . The day he was leaving the village , he had said I have only Rs. 5 with me and i am going to try my luck .
This luck can come to me as a death also". My world had stopped in this moment.
"Deepak tried his luck and he won . she looked at me ,collected her son's toys and stood up to leave ." I could see the silent grace on her face, the grace of celebrating her son's birthday. The grace of seeing her husband as an actor .
i came back in present as my phone rang. This painting in the hotel’s lobby was made by the heroine of the film dedicated to the superhero who lost his life in the process.Deepak who transferred his life to the heroine in the process of coming down from the tower. Deepak’s soul was embossed in the painting . This painting with the shades of tragic death captivated the audience of movie. This painting signed by the most beautiful herioine of Indian cinema adorns the hotel lobby . In the world’s tallest tower . On the painting it was written in bold letters , "A true actor". I felt the heaviness subliming . Deepak had died as a true actor. I knew what has happened was destined , And the biggest reality was the dream which Deepak saw . But Deepak’s dream of coming out from his joker image had paid off. He acted the best in the last shot . The way he rescued Heroine and saved her from terrorists. The way he hold her in his arms and looked in her eyes . The way he says "Death do us Part" . the tears in his eyes when the rope broke off and he let her hand go .the scene is captured forever.
World would remember this hero of few minutes for years to come. There was a call from the reception , I rose up with a determination , every dream earns a space of its own in this universe . Even if it has to be exchanged with death .Some dreams are simply too costly .
With Love
Swati Sinha
